I want to talk about something that most of the time we ignore. What it means to truly let go. There isn’t one exact or correct meaning, in fact there are multiple. Letting go can refer to many things. Including letting go of the past, letting go of guilt, or even hurt from past relationships. It can also mean loosening your grip and for once being okay with not being in control. Most of the time we prematurely claim to be “over” a situation. It’s easier to say you forgive whomever and move on, then actually deal with your emotions. Speaking from experience, I can say it takes a lot more than we think to truly let go. Moving “past” with a situation is not the same as moving on. I went through many hardships in my life in which I moved past… yet I never let go of the way it made me feel. That hurt, betrayal, even anger stayed inside of me and unknowingly festered. I never really knew how big an impact it had on my relationships and everyday life. I mean there was such a huge difference in me that I never saw. From my confidence, to the way I dealt with others, to the way I viewed myself. All of it drastically changed, yet I never saw it. It was like looking in the mirror at a false reflection. I had told myself I was over everything. The constant neglect and abuse from my father, the betrayal of my friends, the guilt from my rape, the anger towards myself and even God for allowing it to happen. All emotions I never let go of. Some of these I carried for nearly ten years. I am now in the process of truly letting go, and I want to shine some light on the subject.
Don’t push away your blessings.
Self Sabotage. One of the worst side effects when it comes to not moving on. I’ve done this so much. For example, this year I met someone who I know loves me. Has always been there when I needed her. Guides me spiritually, mentally and emotionally. And though I love her, and she has proven herself multiple times… I am still afraid of her walking away from me. What does that have to do with the topic? Because I haven’t let go of the hurt and pain I endured growing up, the woman who wants to be in my life, wants to love me, is constantly being pushed away. I’m afraid she’s going to be like everybody else who gave up on me. The perception I have of myself because I haven’t let go of the things my father said, the blame that was put on me for being raped, the names I’ve been called is being forced onto someone- who wants to be there. So many times I have asked her to just quit on me. To stop talking to me, when I knew that wasn’t what I wanted. I’m so stuck on how everybody else hurt me, I treat those closest to me like the bad guys. My mother whom I know cares, I know is there for me, I push away. I’m sure you’ve been there before. We self sabotage because the healing process is always longer and harder then we expect. However, in this case the grass is greener on the other side. You can’t fly far with a broken wing. Sure you could exist, you can survive but is that LIVING? You should acknowledge when you’re self sabotaging, but don’t beat yourself up. Understand you are not to blame for your circumstances, however you are also not confined to those circumstances.
Releasing Control
This doesn’t only apply to letting go in terms of moving on. Remember that second definition? Letting go as in releasing control. In my opinion, the hardest of the two. Also the most dangerous. As humans we have a natural desire to be in control. Even when there’s no way possible for that to happen. I’m the first to say I am a control freak. Here’s a tip, no matter how hard you try, you cannot control everything. A lot of the time I find myself questioning “What could I have done differently?” Trying and searching for a way I could have stopped this from happening. Truth is, I couldn't. There are just some things we can’t control. In your relationships, LET GO. Don’t always look for answers. Sometimes you’re not going to understand. I say this again from experience, it's okay to be vulnerable. To trust even when you’re not used to it. Let go of being in control long enough to let people in. You don’t know how it's going to turn out, okay. That’s fine. Trust God. He’s got you. In the end it's him who needs to be in control.
Functioning In Forgiveness
Last but not least, when it comes to old friendships/relationships… LET GO. We hear it all the time. Forgiveness isn’t for them, it’s for you. Cliche but true. Holding on to anger from unresolved or even resolved issues, is extremely unhealthy. It can completely alter your character, and turn you into the person you’re so upset by. The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present. Here’s a little advice. If you still get upset when you think about them, if your mood immediately changes when their name is brought up… you haven’t forgave them. It’s not easy, but identify the reason you can’t let go of what happened. Address it. There will be tears, but at the end of the day you have to take that power back you’ve been giving whoever hurt you. It’s your time to Let go, and Let God.
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