To Me vs Me

“Why does this keep happening to me?” “How could this happen to me?” I’m sure you’ve asked that question before. A lot of times we get angry at God and everyone around us, for what we think is punishment. In times of trial and tribulation we forget the kind of God we serve. A merciful God. An omniscient God. I can speak for myself when I say, I let my emotions cloud my judgement. In the darkest points of my life, I immediately questioned God’s love for me. It was always how could you do this TO me. I never stepped backed and actually processed the events taking place. As I finally took the time to detach myself from the hurt I was feeling and actually process, my mindset changed. My words became “God I thank you for doing this FOR me.” Crazy right? It might seem like it was an overnight thing but it wasn’t. For years I questioned God’s love for me by the horrible things that have happened to me. There it is again- “to me.” Throughout the years my focus remained on what I’ve lost, not looking at all I’ve gained. Concentrating on what has happened to me and not what God has done for me. Unknowingly fixating on the same things that put my life in park. When you try to start a car thats been idle for years it doesn’t just take off. You’ll kick up a lot of dust that you weren’t aware has settled over time. Even if you wash the car and get it “surface clean” It still may not start. You have to get in there and remove all the dust, and debris from the engine- the heart, the inside. The same thing goes for us as humans. As people with flesh and emotions. An idle mind is the devil’s playground. One of my favorite people always says “it's okay to feel sad, to go through your emotions.. Just don’t stay there.” Changing your mindset is the first thing to set you on the right track. I’ll be fully transparent. I am a rape survivor. However for years I didn’t feel like one. The pain from it never went away, and for that I blamed God. I was a little girl, how could he let something so horrible happen to me? This year it was all brought back up. I was harassed and bullied for sharing a story I held inside for years. My relationship with my father took a turn for the worst. Once again really this is how you show me, you love me God? My trust and faith began to waiver. However there are many reasons God allows us to be tested and tried. God uses your own tests and trials to make you strong. Yes it's heartbreaking what I went through but it shaped me into the person I am. The relationships I developed would have never happened if I didn’t experience that pain. I wouldn’t love or care for people as much as I do. If you didn’t experience trials how could you touch others with your testimony? Another reason is to show us how truly powerful he is. If we never have problems how would we know God could solve them? As people we sometimes grow weary in trusting in what we don’t see, and need an example. Are you ready to be an example? To show others the power of God? In the end I thank God for all that has happened to me. It has given me a surrounding peace in knowing what he’s done for me. Now don’t rush it. Don’t force yourself to to lie and say oh yeah I thank you God for letting these terrible things happen to me. Just start thinking about all you’ve gained in comparison to what you’ve lost. Think about out of all that you lost how much of it has been replaced? I gained a bonus family that will fight with and for me, a bonus mother whom I can’t live without, friends I can trust with no doubt, an amazing relationship with God, and most importantly now a reason to live. Assurance of my purpose. The ability to finally let go of the baggage on my heart and shoulders. Freedom. I challenge you to change your mindset and your prayers. Try and look at all the good life has to offer. Speak over your life, and don’t stay stuck in the now. You got this.